I love watching the programs between General Conference! Today, they were especially important for me. Everything was about dating, love, marriage, family, and how to stay stronger together. This is the most important thing in my life! I have always wanted an eternal family and a spouse who would love me forever.
I have tried to prepare myself for a good portion of my life for it. The thing I didn't prepare for was not being prepared enough to choose a man who would actually love me for eternity. I didn't realize the impact choosing the wrong man would create in my life. I didn't realize the heartache, the sorrow and the hardships that would follow. The only thing I knew is I wanted a marriage.
But, now, I have a second chance at love. 3 years later, I have grown to know, with a deeper appreciation, how to truly love myself and how to love God! This now is what I have needed to realize what I need in my life. Now that I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. E-Mae and I have had time to grow, find our Heavenly Father and I have been able to find what it is to take care of, provide for, and care for someone more deeply than I ever have had to in my life.
How do I convey that into love and marriage? Easily!
When You Love Someone, You Want to Take Care of Them
With the growing accessibility of everything we have ever wanted or ever could want, we have become a selfish people. Yeah... I am talking about myself as well. When I want something, I usually find a way to get it. Sometimes, when I want something, I push that want onto E-Mae and convince myself to get it because she wants it. Yeah... I know... pretty pathetic. But it is how we are raised now! Not that my parents taught me this... but the world did. The world teaches us how to take care of ourselves and how to get what we want.
But, I have experienced with E-Mae, that when you love someone, you want them to be well taken care of. You want THEM to be happy. You start caring less of yourself as you start to care and serve them more and more. I was advised by a counselor in my ward's Bishopric, to find a way each day to serve someone and you will be happier. It is hard to be happy when all you focus on is your own happiness. Then, nothing is good enough. Nobody is good enough. I know how this is. Before E-Mae, I didn't care about more than myself. I wanted someone to help ME! I forgot to be someone who could help OTHERS!
E-Mae taught me how to more fully give of myself to those around me. She taught me what it is to want to give all of my life to the fulfilling of her dreams. To want HER happiness over mine. She taught me how my Father in Heaven knows what I need, when I need it. I needed her to show me how to love another person, so deeply, I would give up my life for them.
Do you want to love someone? Serve them! Do you want someone to love you? Serve others. There is nothing more attractive than someone who is selfless and caring.
Be Who You Want to Marry
How do you expect to find a spouse you would want to spend eternity with if you are not that way yourself? People attract like people. Yeah... sometimes opposites attract. But it has been scientifically studied that couples who are like minded, and are more in tune with each other, succeed more fully than couples who are opposites.
I haven't been very good at this... I wanted someone strong in the Gospel who could help lift me up. I forgot about finding my own way so I could help lift them up as well! I have been growing stronger in this. I have started to "come to myself," as Robert D. Hales stated today. I have been able to more fully see what it is to have, share, delight in, and thoroughly study the Gospel. I am nowhere close to being perfect, but I am striving, getting closer to my better self, every day.
In finding this part of myself, I realized... that is the reason I didn't find anyone worthy of marriage before. I wasn't worthy of marriage. I wasn't worthy of a young man who could withstand the temptations of the world. A young man who could follow the Lord with all his HEART, MIGHT, MIND, and STRENGTH. A young man who could help me raise a family in faith. A family in the Lord. A family which can endure together. Why wasn't I worthy? Because I couldn't do these things on my own.
With my darling, and the things I have come to see, know, and endured, I have come to know what I need to do to strive for eternity. Become the person God wants to see His daughter become. Realize everyone is a child of the Most High God.
Stop Searching, But Don't Stop Praying
With a continual prayer to find the person who you are meant to marry, don't be so consumed with it that it takes over your life. Life is so much better when you aren't always on the hunt! Seriously... I know the hunt for your eternal companion can be exciting but it can also be heart breaking... It doesn't matter who you are. When a person is rejected by another, it is hard to stay confident in yourself. It is difficult to keep doing what you know is right. I know personally, I have had those moments where I thought, "What is the point? Why do I need to keep trying to progress if I am never going to be good enough for anyone?" Over the last 3 years, I got my answer.
When I felt at my lowest low, I never lost my faith in the Lord. I had a strong enough testimony of His love for me that I never stopped believing in Him. But I did start to lose faith in myself. As I lay in bed, many lonely nights, I started to believe that I was worthless. I considered leaving my faithless, cheating husband, but couldn't stop thinking about how worthless I had become. In my head, every night, I thought, "Nobody will ever want you. You might as well stay where you are. You have a husband and E-Mae needs a father." ALL OF THESE WERE WRONG!!!
After we left, E-Mae was only 3 weeks old at the time, and I didn't know what to do. I signed up for online dating and started talking to people. I now know that no good guys are actually on online dating sites! They are online because they can't convince someone to be with them in person... That has to say something! I am not bagging on people who do use the sites, but I couldn't find a guy who was right for me on them. 2 years later, I finally deleted my last profile. Yay for me! But as soon as I did, I found I had more time to devote to my endeavors and my daughter.
When we stop looking and start living, it frees our minds for more important things. I don't have any good news yet... I haven't even been on a date for A LONG time, but who cares? I have been able to build a business plan to present to a company I want to work with. I have made (it is a long list...) 30 face scrubbies, 10 washcloths, 2 blankets, 10 headbands and have started writing a book. I have also been able to finish all of my homework ON TIME. All in the time I would USUALLY be online. In my own opinion, work on yourself and the person right to fit you and your circumstances will come along.
I don't have much experience with dating... I mean, the last 4 dates I tried going on all stood me up... but I do know that life isn't meant to be spent sitting around, waiting for someone to come. We were placed on this Earth to find happiness and to grow for ourselves! I find I am happiest when I am "centered on the wheel." When I am doing all I can to be a better me and a better mom.
Let me know what attributes you are trying to find in an eternal companion! I have a list that MAYBE I'll share some day.
I have tried to prepare myself for a good portion of my life for it. The thing I didn't prepare for was not being prepared enough to choose a man who would actually love me for eternity. I didn't realize the impact choosing the wrong man would create in my life. I didn't realize the heartache, the sorrow and the hardships that would follow. The only thing I knew is I wanted a marriage.
But, now, I have a second chance at love. 3 years later, I have grown to know, with a deeper appreciation, how to truly love myself and how to love God! This now is what I have needed to realize what I need in my life. Now that I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. E-Mae and I have had time to grow, find our Heavenly Father and I have been able to find what it is to take care of, provide for, and care for someone more deeply than I ever have had to in my life.
How do I convey that into love and marriage? Easily!
When You Love Someone, You Want to Take Care of Them
With the growing accessibility of everything we have ever wanted or ever could want, we have become a selfish people. Yeah... I am talking about myself as well. When I want something, I usually find a way to get it. Sometimes, when I want something, I push that want onto E-Mae and convince myself to get it because she wants it. Yeah... I know... pretty pathetic. But it is how we are raised now! Not that my parents taught me this... but the world did. The world teaches us how to take care of ourselves and how to get what we want.
But, I have experienced with E-Mae, that when you love someone, you want them to be well taken care of. You want THEM to be happy. You start caring less of yourself as you start to care and serve them more and more. I was advised by a counselor in my ward's Bishopric, to find a way each day to serve someone and you will be happier. It is hard to be happy when all you focus on is your own happiness. Then, nothing is good enough. Nobody is good enough. I know how this is. Before E-Mae, I didn't care about more than myself. I wanted someone to help ME! I forgot to be someone who could help OTHERS!
E-Mae taught me how to more fully give of myself to those around me. She taught me what it is to want to give all of my life to the fulfilling of her dreams. To want HER happiness over mine. She taught me how my Father in Heaven knows what I need, when I need it. I needed her to show me how to love another person, so deeply, I would give up my life for them.
Do you want to love someone? Serve them! Do you want someone to love you? Serve others. There is nothing more attractive than someone who is selfless and caring.
Be Who You Want to Marry
How do you expect to find a spouse you would want to spend eternity with if you are not that way yourself? People attract like people. Yeah... sometimes opposites attract. But it has been scientifically studied that couples who are like minded, and are more in tune with each other, succeed more fully than couples who are opposites.
I haven't been very good at this... I wanted someone strong in the Gospel who could help lift me up. I forgot about finding my own way so I could help lift them up as well! I have been growing stronger in this. I have started to "come to myself," as Robert D. Hales stated today. I have been able to more fully see what it is to have, share, delight in, and thoroughly study the Gospel. I am nowhere close to being perfect, but I am striving, getting closer to my better self, every day.
In finding this part of myself, I realized... that is the reason I didn't find anyone worthy of marriage before. I wasn't worthy of marriage. I wasn't worthy of a young man who could withstand the temptations of the world. A young man who could follow the Lord with all his HEART, MIGHT, MIND, and STRENGTH. A young man who could help me raise a family in faith. A family in the Lord. A family which can endure together. Why wasn't I worthy? Because I couldn't do these things on my own.
With my darling, and the things I have come to see, know, and endured, I have come to know what I need to do to strive for eternity. Become the person God wants to see His daughter become. Realize everyone is a child of the Most High God.
Stop Searching, But Don't Stop Praying
With a continual prayer to find the person who you are meant to marry, don't be so consumed with it that it takes over your life. Life is so much better when you aren't always on the hunt! Seriously... I know the hunt for your eternal companion can be exciting but it can also be heart breaking... It doesn't matter who you are. When a person is rejected by another, it is hard to stay confident in yourself. It is difficult to keep doing what you know is right. I know personally, I have had those moments where I thought, "What is the point? Why do I need to keep trying to progress if I am never going to be good enough for anyone?" Over the last 3 years, I got my answer.
When I felt at my lowest low, I never lost my faith in the Lord. I had a strong enough testimony of His love for me that I never stopped believing in Him. But I did start to lose faith in myself. As I lay in bed, many lonely nights, I started to believe that I was worthless. I considered leaving my faithless, cheating husband, but couldn't stop thinking about how worthless I had become. In my head, every night, I thought, "Nobody will ever want you. You might as well stay where you are. You have a husband and E-Mae needs a father." ALL OF THESE WERE WRONG!!!
After we left, E-Mae was only 3 weeks old at the time, and I didn't know what to do. I signed up for online dating and started talking to people. I now know that no good guys are actually on online dating sites! They are online because they can't convince someone to be with them in person... That has to say something! I am not bagging on people who do use the sites, but I couldn't find a guy who was right for me on them. 2 years later, I finally deleted my last profile. Yay for me! But as soon as I did, I found I had more time to devote to my endeavors and my daughter.
When we stop looking and start living, it frees our minds for more important things. I don't have any good news yet... I haven't even been on a date for A LONG time, but who cares? I have been able to build a business plan to present to a company I want to work with. I have made (it is a long list...) 30 face scrubbies, 10 washcloths, 2 blankets, 10 headbands and have started writing a book. I have also been able to finish all of my homework ON TIME. All in the time I would USUALLY be online. In my own opinion, work on yourself and the person right to fit you and your circumstances will come along.
I don't have much experience with dating... I mean, the last 4 dates I tried going on all stood me up... but I do know that life isn't meant to be spent sitting around, waiting for someone to come. We were placed on this Earth to find happiness and to grow for ourselves! I find I am happiest when I am "centered on the wheel." When I am doing all I can to be a better me and a better mom.
Let me know what attributes you are trying to find in an eternal companion! I have a list that MAYBE I'll share some day.
Follow @meganurbanik
No comments:
Post a Comment