Through my journey of self loathing and disgust, I allowed myself to start gaining more and more weight. This didn't make anything better! This made me feel 200x worse than before!!
How could I possibly be worth something at over 200lbs?
And worst of all, today, when I was feeling happy and so high on life and actually enjoying me, the only pair of pants which actually fit me decided to rip. The one pair I didn't have to fight with my fat butt to try to get on! Rather than conceding and just moving up a pant size and giving in to the worthless feelings I have been feeling, I have decided to take my life back.
ITS MY TURN TO BE HAPPY AND TO FEEL CONFIDENT AND AMAZING WITH MY OWN SKIN!!
Everyone else gets to! Why not me?
No. This does not mean I am going to start dressing immodestly or trashy to prove I am comfortable in my own skin! That is not how I am going to feel better. How could it when my only goal right now is to get my daughter and myself to the temple? How would that help me progress in my spirituality and provide me the necessary strength I need to overcome my depressive state?
I am not saying that I am suffering from depression, but just not allowing my own mind to conceive happiness at this time. I have heard someone close to me say, "How could someone overweight ever truly be happy?" That there has hit me really hard. How can I be happy when I wear a size 16 pant, weigh 206lbs, and have a double chin?
News flash!!! IM NOT!!!
How does that that change though? Today is the day I am starting fresh! Tomorrow I shall be starting my 3rd Advocare cleanse. This time, everything is done by the book!! No cheating for me (which is really hard because I really like my snacks) I am going to be working out every single day, whether it be racquetball, walking, or just random dancing in my room. Who cares as long as I am up and moving, right? I cannot keep living this sedentary lifestyle. It is messing with my self esteem and my motivation levels for everything in life, including school. I noticed that when I am moving, I feel better.
Here is me today, on Day 1:
For me and my daughter, I WILL lose weight and I WILL feel good! This is a fights that Satan is going to lose and from here on out, I choose to be happy!
Does anybody have any suggestions on healthy meals?
What about ways to get me moving?
Any advice that will KEEP me motivated?
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